Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
