i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He felt like a one man threesome
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
