My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
