just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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