Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
