you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
