my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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