I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize