I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
