They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
