Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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