Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
