we have pet lesbian snakes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
