with your own penis?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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