he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
