He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
