How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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