from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
