Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize