if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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