i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
