We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
