I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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