i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
