and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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