nut hugger
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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