Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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