bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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