nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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