are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
two words...techno handjob
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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