just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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