I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
