Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
