no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Can you bring me the toilet please
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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