if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
