If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
