ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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