im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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