i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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