I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
