i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
