i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
