You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Shame - the story of my life.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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