I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
