how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize