My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
