I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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