I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
