haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
