you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
