In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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