If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We got so high we made milksteak
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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