he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize