hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
