One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
