Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
