I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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