I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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