she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
