turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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