I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
