My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
