No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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