nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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