i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
