my vag is so smooth its legendary
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
