I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize