we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
