I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize