I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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